Because You Don’t Have To

I have always tried the best I can to see the positive in others, give people a chance to be different, accept the many personalities that end up in your life. The tolerance and views of things change over time and with age. As you mature, you learn the sorts of personalities to stay away from, you realize how unhealthy it is to keep toxic people around. But, the flip side to this is that we are always being informed about embracing other’s differences, look at their true intentions, forgive others, everyone deserves a second (..and third….and fourth…and fifth) chance. How many times have you thought back to wishing you knew then what you know now – about people and life, your life specifically. 

Recently I found myself in a situation with someone whom I should have kept at an arms length the first time they created issues. But, over time I allowed this person to come back in and give it another try – only to unsurprisingly find myself in an even worse drama filled situation than the first time. Ironically in the midst of all of this, I was in the process of putting together a letter for Carlos’ ex wife. I had been thinking about how nice it would be to call the crap to the carpet, shut it down, and attempt to find some common ground – for everyone’s sanity. I had actually finished the letter and hand planned to give it to her on the next drop off. But then the drama with this other individual happened and in that instant everything in my mind changed. When I thought about it all that evening I had a realization that was quite freeing and frustrating all at once – I don’t have to. 

I don’t have to include anyone in my life that brings with them negativity, stress, and frustration – especially into my home. A place where they don’t live, a place where you’re invited in, your sacred, peaceful, safe place. I don’t have to include certain people in my life because they are relatives of whoever, or because they have kids with my man. In fact, it’s not my responsibility to suffer in silence while others abuse their position in my life. I don’t have to be quiet, I don’t have to accept it, deal with it, however you want to word it – I don’t have to. I don’t have to put on a fake smile, avoid the person when they’re around to keep the peace, pretend that we’re getting a long so everyone else can be happy – I don’t have to. 

The life we live is ours only, our happiness and peace belongs to us. It is my responsibility to watch out for myself and my peace. The act of this is somewhat like a war. You’re going to get into disagreements, especially when relatives are involved, but where in the law of life do you have to be unhappy and miserable for someone else’s happiness? I was not born into this world as a door mat, I’m not providing a service. 

If you have someone in your life who is creating a hell for you, you don’t have to deal with it. Whether this means you have to cut them out, or cut yourself out of the situation. you don’t have to be miserable by some unwritten assumed law of niceness and tolerance to keep yourself from feeling like you’re being difficult or unreasonable. This situation made me realize that I don’t want to get to the end of my life and feel that I sacrificed all of myself for everyone else and gave myself nothing in return, accepted nothing in return, demanded nothing in return. We should be the most important person in our lives. Not every scenario will result in cutting off someone in your life, but speak up for yourself. If someone is disrespecting you, over stepping their boundaries, doing or saying things that make you unsettled or uncomfortable – do something about it. Don’t ever feel that you have to allow a person to be around because it’s what pleases everyone else or it’s what is acceptable. And yes, sometimes that may mean you won’t get to be included – but oh the peace! I would rather enjoy a day alone by myself with a good book, good music, sunshine and a glass of wine than to spend a day in an uncomfortable situation where the atmosphere is stressful or uncomfortable due to someone else. Think about it – you don’t have to!